This is my all-time favorite thing to talk about. My job. I have a hard time calling it a "job" or "work" even though that's what it is. I have a hard time calling it that for the simple fact that almost everyone I know hates their job. There is always that sigh of sadness or annoyance that comes with the phrase, "I have work tomorrow". I used to be one of them. I use to HATE going to work. Of course I loved my previous jobs for the first couple of months, some longer than others, but I'm pretty sure it was because there was something new to learn and new people to connect and meet. Each job was something different. But by the time month 6 rolled around, I felt like just going back to school for a different profession to get out of my current job. Sad right? It's the truth.
Growing up I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I mean, from as far back as I can remember until about middle school, I was FOR SURE going to be a successful country singer. I didn't know how and wasn't really actively trying to figure it out, but I fantasized about it all the time. After I lost sight of the possibility of that happening, I was lost. And I mean lost. I tried to basically convince myself that I could become a nurse. Everyone respects what a nurse does. Well, only good people. They do AMAZING things right? My Aunt Wendy was a nurse and I wanted to be her almost my entire childhood. From what I have heard, they do a lot of pretty miraculous things.
I wanted to be miraculous.
Quick enough I realized I didn't want to do that. Okay. What about a personal trainer?! I have always obsessed over fitness. I loved sports. I cared about others and would love helping someone be healthier. Na, what If I suck at it? My self doubt quickly threw that off the table. Alright. I got it. Ultrasound tech. Perfect. Probably decent hours if I don't work at a hospital, right? It's got to be a decent salary. My poor clueless mind. I had no idea about anything. I had no idea what to even consider when deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. So I just played it safe and planned on doing that...until I got pregnant.. I had just been accepted to the University of South Dakota and was going to figure out how to either work with ultrasounds or x-rays. I didn't really know why or how but whatever, it sounded like a cool thing to tell someone when they asked what I did for a living. Instead, I got pregnant as a senior in high school and shit got real different, real fast.
I decided to go to college summer classes during the summer after high school graduation to at least start with some college classes before I became a young 18 year old mother. I barely passed and graduated high school. I suffered with a lot of stomach ulcer issues and had an extremely difficult 1st trimester. All the years before that, I hated school and every single part of it. I don't have an excuse for those years, just know I couldn't have given two shits about graduating. So I'm pregnant right? Time to grow up Tris. It's time to stop skipping meals to look skinnier and it's time to get your shit figured out. I took classes up until my doctor ordered bed rest on month 9. I passed all of my college classes with flying colors. I was pretty proud of myself to say the least. But I wasn't done. I didn't have a degree or diploma and those classes weren't worth celebrating to me. I was determined to beat statistics as a young teen mom and graduate not only high school but college as well. After my son was born, I applied for the dental assisting program at a local college. Let me just say that the ONLY reason I joined this program was because a few of my cousins work in the dental field and are pretty successful. Everyone was always ooing and awing over their successes and they were pretty great people. SO again, I fell victim of pursuing something that I thought would impress someone else. At that time my parents were not college graduates, and I was going to prove to them that I could do it. In my head, I told myself that I was only good at being skinny and that's really it. So I wanted to prove to them that I was smart enough to be a young mom and finish. I didn't care about my job description or pay. Looking back now, all I was thinking about was how to impress them. How and what I could do to make them proud of me. My parents are great people. But I was a very lost and depressed young mom trying to figure it out and for all of the wrong reasons. Insert my now amazing husband for providing me the funds to do so. I owe him EVERYTHING. Getting my Dental Assisting Diploma would have been near impossible without him and his help. I am forever grateful for you babe. I hope you know how important your support was during that time.
So. I graduated college. I finally did it right?. I was going to walk across a stage with a diploma in my hand that I worked so hard for. All of the fights with Todd about babysitting issues, late nights studying with my college bestie, Emily (love you) and crying before every board exam, were worth it. Because I beat statistics and graduated college with a one year old son. I was so excited. But the second I graduated, I needed something else. I don't think I allowed myself more than one day to be proud of the accomplishment I had just completed. Todd and I went out to eat that night to celebrate but being the young parents that we were, we had to hurry home and not stay out too late. We were parents to a one year old and our sitter couldn't watch him for too long. That night I wanted to be proud of myself but felt as though wanting to be out late would be selfish of me to think or ask for. So I kept my mouth shut and told myself that maybe it just wasn't impressive enough. So if you're a mom and are doing something that makes you proud, damn it, you celebrate. I WILL tell you to do that. You aren't selfish. You aren't self-centered. You worked your ass off. You finally did it. Don't take that away from yourself.
The next step in my life was to find a job. I was stressing over perfected resumes and great interview outfits until I landed a few assisting jobs. Over the years, every single one of them, I told myself I would retire from. They were perfect. Blah. Blah. Blah. WRONG. Why? Because I didn't love it. WHY? Because I only did this career to impress my FAMILY. I didn't do it for me. I did it for them and that is where I went so wrong. They didn't give a shit what I did, as long as I was happy...but I didn't know that then. My mind was still so stuck on the fact that the only way to be happy is to make others happy.
After my 3rd child was born, my husband and I decided that assisting just wasn't for me. It wasn't worth me being miserable over something that stressed me out and paid someone else to raise my children. I was relieved. I was over the moon. I was so fucking happy I cried after my husband said, "well then..just don't go back." It was no longer worth it for us and it was the best thing for our family.
I had an amazing husband and was given the opportunity to stay home with my beautiful children. Some women cringe when I say I stay home with my babies. Some women envy me. Let me just say this real quick. No matter what you do for a living, it's great. If it makes you happy, girl you just keep on owning that shit. I was owning being a stay at home mom. But. My health was spiraling out of control. The weight was not coming off. My depression was kicking in and I could barely walk up and down my stairs to change the laundry without gasping for air. Ladies. You should be able to walk up and down your stairs without thinking you're going to die. I tried running outside. It's what I always did when I was younger. I mean, it worked then, should work now right? WRONG AGAIN. Not only did it not work but I couldn't stay consistent with it because I couldn't bring my babies running with me and the weight kept pilling on. I was constantly trying to hide my body from my husband, wearing the darkest and biggest clothing I had. I just needed something different. I watched my now health coach for a whole year. I watched her smiling and posting amazing selfies every single day. She showed up for herself every single day with a big ol smile on her face with an extremely motivational quote or story to go with it. I wanted everything she was talking about. Every time she made a public invitation, I qualified myself. But I never asked her for help. Why? Because I was stubborn and thought I could just do it myself. No help. Natta. Tris you can do this 10000% alone. How many times can I say "wrong" before you're annoyed?
I just gave up at that point. Fuck it. Already fat. Might as well stay fat. I was terrible with how I talked to myself. That was on a good day. Then that girl I watched for an entire year messaged me and asked me to try this fitness thing out. I was probably the easiest client she has ever come across. I don't think I have ever said yes to anything that fast in my entire life. I was hooked by the loving and supportive community. I had about zero friends at the time so I needed that type of encouragement. I finished my very first fitness program and lost, I believe 13 pounds. My coach taught me that a number doesn't define me. I trusted what she had to say. I did all the things that she said. Because why not do something that someone else had success with. I mean what do i have to lose? Nothing. After I finished that program, I messaged my coach and told her I wanted to be a coach. I basically asked her where to sign up. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to share what I had overcome in just 30 days. I wanted to help that girl who felt all of the terrible things I felt before that program and help her through it. I wanted to help, inspire and motivate as many damn women as I could get my hands on. Because like my coach says, all of us women and moms deserve a million dollars for what we do every day. We just forget to take care of ourselves.
I was going to do this. I basically asked Todd for the money to sign up and was on a mission from there on out. I was so focused on this goal of helping others that I didn't even really explain to Todd what I did everyday. Those goals of helping women became goals of not only helping them but building a business. Building a fitness business and doing something I actually loved for a change. I was going to create something super spectacular and something I found power and movement in. I decided the moment I signed up for this that I would give it my all. I didn't consider of all the negative talk and doubts my family and my husband "might" have. For once, I didn't care what anyone else thought. All I cared about was making a woman feel good in her skin again. I decided to be more. I decided to get out of my own way and go for it. I decided this was my future.
I decided I was going to be miraculous.
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