This topic is one of the most popular when I am talking to my coaches and clients. I wish it wasn't but the truth is, support can be the hardest to find. I am talking support in all aspects of your life, not just nutrition and fitness. Maybe it's living out your house goals, having an uncomfortable conversation or simply doing something that scares you. I hope this makes sense. In my experience, women tend to quit when they don't have the community of love and support cheering them on from the sidelines. Maybe it's your best friend. Maybe it's your mother. Maybe it's your spouse. In my case, I have found the most support from a community of women I have never met outside of social media.
This blog is a lot of tough love but take it as your sign. Take it as a hit up the side of your head to not let a single person dictate how you live your life or the goals you want to achieve. Consider yourself warned. If you read my very first post, I was always on the look out for approval from others before I discovered my road to self love. Do they love what I am doing? Will they support me? Is this something others will approve of? Will they judge me? Quit that shit. My life changed drastically when I started to ignore the nasty looks when picking a healthier meal than 90% of the people in the room. My life changed when I learned to brush off the comments, "Weird. Trissa's ordering another salad." My life changed when I did something that I, myself, wanted to do. Sometimes those who don't support you are reminded that they need to change as well. You and all your healthy decisions or brave and powerful changes in your life can trigger someone close to you because of their deep (sometimes unknowingly) jealousy of your courageous transformations. I have learned that sometimes my life changes scare others close to me because they worry I might fail. Sometimes its simply because they think I might change so much that I won't need them anymore. Of course that is scary! Of course it is scary to possibly not be as close to someone you truly love because you decided to make yourself healthier, wealthier or happier. But is that really a way to live? In fear? Absolutely not. Don't live your life uncomfortably, to make someone else comfortable. I had a woman tell me that, that saying was pretty selfish. I would like to know why being selfish is used in such a negative way all of the time. Seriously though, think about it. If doing something for yourself, changing an unhealthy habit or making a better decision is selfish, I AM AN EXTREMELY SELFISH PERSON. I know a woman who always says yes to everything. She is constantly saying yes to everyone and everything even though she clearly has no time in her day. She does it anyways because she wants others to be happy. She doesn't want confrontation and is the definition of a people pleaser. But she is always stressed out, exhausted and unable to make leaps and bounds in her career and life because she literally spends everyday pouring into other people without pouring into herself first. She mopes around feeling sorry for herself and complains all of the time. Instead of being the person she wants to be, she is an energy sucker. What is an energy sucker? Someone who is always upset, mad, angry, complaining, judging, etc. They literally suck the life right out of you. There is little to no chance of ever remaining positive around that person. I am sure you already have one person in mind who almost fits this description perfectly. Or maybe it is you. Don't be an energy sucker.
Anyways, I am giving you permission to do what you want. I am giving you permission to make yourself happy, selfish or not. No one gets to tell you how you live your life, what your dreams are or how you achieve those things. Just be selfish for a hot minute. Shit, be selfish for a whole day, a whole weekend or maybe even for a 7 day vacation!
People are scared of change. People are scared of transforming. Sometimes those feelings come out in a negative form to you. Is that your problem? Absolutely not. Do they have a negative opinion of you? Not your problem. One of my favorite quotes is by my all time favorite author, Rachel Hollis. "Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business." AMEN SISTA. The hardest part? Sometimes you need to make a choice and a decision to keep those unsupportive people in your life or not. The decision can become extremely difficult when that someone is close to you. I understand that but you are worth the endless possibilities, positivity and happiness. Trust me, limiting my time around energy suckers or those with no desire to become better, has helped my success immensely. If they are constantly bringing you down, refusing to support you or are just straight up assholes.... NEWSFLASH. They. Are. Not. Your. People.
I have a few questions for you when you start to believe those who doubt you or maybe even avoid you once you start making goals for yourself. Are you going to regret trying to change your bad habits? Are you going to regret trying over and over and over again even if some days you fail? Are you going to regret if you let someone talk you out of something because it made them uncomfortable??? You will be the one who looks back and wish that you had tried or that you had accomplished something you wanted. Most people quit because they let other people talk them out of it. Have you ever been trying to brainstorm with someone about your dream or one of your goals and without a single hesitation they start talking you out of every single idea that comes out of your mouth? Me too. "You don't have that kind of money." "That will take up so much of your time." "Why on Earth would you want to do something like that?" Let me tell you this. You can find the extra income. Eat beans for a month. Apply for an additional job. Sell a bunch of shit in your house that you hate or no longer use. Deliver newspapers. Clean homes. Swallow your pride. The income is there so stop making money the issue because it doesn't have to be. Time? You think you don't have time?! Oh, Jesus take the wheel!!! I have heard that one about a couple million times. Wake up an hour earlier. Not a morning person? Suck it up buttercup. You have goals!! Track how much time you spend scrolling social media. I mean really track it because you would be appalled by the amount of time you spend on the internet. Buy a calendar or planner. Track everything down to the hour.
E V E R Y T H I N G.
And the last question, "Why on Earth would you want to do something like that?" You want to pursue it because you CAN. It's your life damn it. You love it. You're excited about it. It can change your life. Because you're sick of waiting around and it's your dream damn it, you deserve it. So stop allowing someone else question what you want to do with your life! Stop allowing someone to steal your shine because it's in their eyes!
Working out is hard. Eating right is hard. Reaching out to successful people for advice is hard. Changing your normal is HARD. But like they say, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. You have done harder things. Stop making excuses. Show up for yourself. Find a way to make it happen. There is NO excuse. Someone, somewhere has it much worse and that is just the simple truth darling. That might be harsh to some but SOMEONE has to tell you that you are or have been slacking and that you are strong enough to get back up and make it happen! I believe in you, start believing in yourself! Don't pass up a new opportunity or possibility because changing is HARD. That makes no sense. Stop passing up something that you know you are fully capable of achieving but don't pursue because it will be difficult. Because it is a lot of work. Ya'll, It is going to be A LOT of work. But don't let a short term set back or some rude family member dull your vision and make you think you can't jump back up on that wagon. Because you CAN.
Are people not supporting you? WHO CARES. YOU are all that matters even if it hurts your feelings to not have their support. Do you feel alone? Team up and find your tribe of successful and happy people striving for more as well! Surround yourself with uplifting people who are setting the bar high in their lives. That kind of atmosphere is contagious and I am a firm believer that if you are the smartest person in the room, you my friend, are in the wrong room. Now, grab your notebook, pen and purse. Stand up tall, put one foot in front of the other and leave that room with the desire to walk into the conference room next door, ready to learn.
**Some of my favorite books:
"Girl, Wash Your Face"- Rachel Hollis
"You Are A Badass"- Jen Sincero
"The 5 Second Rule"- Mel Robbins
"Rising Strong"- Brene Brown
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